As promised today it’s win-win or no deal. Steven Covey’s book establishes win-win or no deal as the fourth habit. He differentiates between a number of possible outcomes from an interaction. For the “fresh from the PowerPoint” bullets check here.

The fun part of win/win is that it requires an inordinate amount of perspective, or at least some empathy. We need to be able to recognize whether what I am offering is honestly a win for the other party. Okay, let’s assume you’ve successfully distinguished a win for the other person from a non-win. Here’s the real challenge: what is a real win for you? Are you going for the gold at the expense of your morals? Are you winning the rat race but leaving your friends and family behind?

Ecology is a term used frequently in NLP. It isn’t quite referring to saving the whales but close. We are more interested in the full impact on your life of your proposed “win.” Independent of what you think you’ll gain with your win we need to look at what you may be leaving behind by “winning”. Here is a permutation of questions that is quite handy as an “ecology check”:

• What will happen if you win?
• What won’t happen if you win?
• What will happen if you don’t win?
• What won’t happen if you don’t win?

These questions can help you recognize non-wins such as being in the same place after your win, being in the same place with a new debt after your win, gain of something you want and loss of something you have and love, etc…

Most people can understand win/win. Adding the “no deal” clause just gives the opportunity to agree to disagree amicably. This is what I proposed Friday. When you feel that buying copies of Brausch’s CD is a win then I’ll throw in something extra. Meanwhile you help me win and help Brausch win too. If not, I’m happy to find another option. Or you can suggest another option that would be a win for you. Or we can agree to disagree and go our separate ways. You are going somewhere, aren’t you?

What stumbling block do you cherish so much that you let it keep you from getting where you want to be? How much quicker will you get there with the help of those who have gone before you?